"Confessions Of a Blogger"

"trust"

2011-11-10T20:49:00.002Z

big word that - "Trust"

I honestly believe you can't trust anyone in this world - you may corner me and call me a pessimist- but it honestly believe it's true..

you can't ever rely or depend on anyone other than yourself - not really not whole heartedly...

i always believe that if your hurting - or someone has hurt you - it's because you've allowed them to.. 'now this is really beginning to sound pessimistic - isn't it?'
you should be in control of yourself and your relationships with those around you, with those closest to you - and you should be able to not 'control' them but be aware.

i deteste people who downgrade themselves for the partners - the one's who give chances after chnaces - you as a human being know your'e own worth and you shoould always treat people as you would like to be treated - it's something quite close to my heart..

if you know your prone to get hurt - i'm not saying you should run, and im not saying you should 'quit' but you should leave because you deserve better.

awrghh i guess...
all i'm really trying to say is you should know you're own worth and you should always know that you don't deserve lower - you deserve the very best !

"Do We Need Distance To Become Close?"

2011-09-04T00:21:00.004+01:00

So..

sex and the city's on t.v - and it always makes me want to blog.. probably because part of me feels like Carrie Bradshaw on this Macbook Pro..
I swear I need me a Samantha friend in my Life !!

Relationships are tricky aren't they..?

How do you know what you're looking for and when you've found it.??
What if you think you've found it.. but you're head keeps spinning and thoughts keep rushing?

(back to sex and the city)
so Carrie just typed..
"do we need distance to become close?"

funny question that..
can distance bring you further apart? or is it supposed to bring you closer?

i'm pretty sure it's supposed to bring you closer.. but what if you're a perfectionist, a self - efficient person someone who needs to be in control and needs things to be done in order - someone like myself..

..then feeling these emotions makes you feel out of your depth .. it chucks you into a dark hole.. where sadness and missing someone feels too negative and emotion to be wanting to feel.. i don't know if this is making sense at all..

but what i'm trying to say is.. sometimes what is supposed to be a positive outcome may not necessarily be..

nothing in life is simple - i'm learning more and more - to try and take things that hit me on the chin..

my mind recently has not stopped ticking.. so many things to do.. so little time..
im a selfish person..
part of me feels a taste of this distance will make me want more ..

however like I said take it on the chin ..

Live a little like "Samantha"

I hope you are all falling, loving, feeling, breathing and caring :)

Nikki x

Labels.. Issues.. Intruders

2011-08-06T00:53:00.002+01:00

Come on Skinny LOVE...

2011-08-01T15:00:00.003+01:00

Birdy - Skinny Love

Ultimate fave of 2011 - emotional..

So I went to brighton for the day yesterday ! Beautiful weather, Beautiful Company.. the alcohol flowing, the sun shining and the crowd blazing..

I'm happy, I'm content.. I still question .. but who doesn't.
I'm learning to blow with the wind.. not against it.

I used to protect myself, I created barriers, big tall brick walls!
But I realise now, that even though I fear.. these barriers are my weakness..

I become a stronger person if I throw myself to the world - arms wide open, cut out all the ropes and let me fall.
If I fall.. I fall .. but maybe .. just maybe ..
there may be someone to catch me..

He no longer lingers.. his smell his presence.. his thoughts..
it's all lost.. gone

and i'm happy..

Just the way Life Should be.

Love Big, Fall Hard, Don't Fear.

p.s ...

2011-07-22T03:09:00.003+01:00

So... just finished watching p.s I Love You..
the film gets me everytime..
is there life after death? you live on don't you - but in memories .. you live on in thoughts and in those dearest to you - you live on in their hearts..

brings me to my next question..
if you love.. you truly love.. but then you are able to unlove .. was it ever love?

awwhh the wonders of life have just begun..

Did Somebody say TUMBLR ?

2011-07-21T01:41:00.003+01:00

Heyyy Guys !!

Just to keep you lovelies updated.. this is my own personal blogger... but for those of you who may be interested I also have a tumblr account I set up.
Using blogging to my advantage with the best of both worlds.

This tumblr, is strictly a record of work, work I have produced at home on my own, at university or on work experience.
It helps give you an insight into the life of good ol' me and what i'm all about.

I'll still blog and rant on here, but much of what I will be doing in my spare time will be on ...

http://n1kk1secr3twork.tumblr.com/

check it out, and don't forget to follow :)

Love You All

Live. Love. Laugh

Im Back Fighting!

2011-07-16T01:53:00.003+01:00

Heyy Guys..

Sorry i know i've been neglecting the whole internet thing for a while now and i'm sorry!

I've been thinking about my blog and my youtube channel N1kk1sSecr3t for a while now..
I was thinking of deleting everything, buying me a dslr or a high resolution camera and starting all over again ....

but then i thought ..
"Confessions of a Blogger" and "N1kk1sSecr3t" would be destroyed.. there would be nothing left of me .. so i'm sticking through .. and i'm going to try and say consistent with my blogging as well as my videos..

Summer's arrived and it's difficult to keep up with everything.. but i'm still here ..and i love you all x

Here are just a couple of photo's to make up for my absence...

To be honest I've been having fun.. I've been concentrating on social life and just unwinding from the stresses of University.. but I am sure to be back to everything this week starting from tomo!
I have a list of things to do - a very long list - and I need to be on my own and concentrate on myself to achieve these goals

p.s I got a first for my last project of the year!
hard work always pays off!!

Love You x

Just Beautiful Words...

2011-05-16T19:59:00.002+01:00

"Sometimes it lasts in love.. but sometimes it hurts instead"

the beautiful words sung by Adele..

it's true who would have know "how bittersweet this would taste"

My life at the moment is full of beautiful work, i've immersed myself in creativity and my career..

i create, i make, and i like to spread what i do ..

i feel lost when i have no projects set - i feel as if my life has no purpose - i need to be kept busy..

this i believe is the only way forward.

no one pushes you in life other than yourself.

I'm grateful i have found the right course and i do what I love - many struggle to find something they feel strongly about like this for their entire lives.

concentrate on yourself .. love yourself - what more can i say ...

live.love.laugh

make your world.

Confusion in Life..

2011-04-07T14:05:00.006+01:00

Sometimes.. I wish I knew what awaited me around my next corner... sometimes I wish I didn't have to kiss frogs to find my Prince.
Life seems like a great big board game of snakes and ladders, you have highs where you feel as if you're reaching to the top.. then lows where life seems to slap you back in the face and you're back where you started.

I don't know where I am right now.. I felt as if I was moving forward, a strong woman .. career focused enough to move forward yes? But sometimes the lows really do seem low don't they>?

Maybe life is simple.. there's a world of great beauty, excitement and many opportunities.. there's also bad to whatever is out there and that may be crime, guilt, drugs .. it's your choice which path you pick. I guess it's your choice then.. how complex you may make your life.

Sometimes you have to realise you're own worth. You have to be able to understand how much you're worth and no matter how great the pain/ hurt, how much are you are wiling to succumb?

Fun and Happiness.. yeah?! that is what they say ,.. i just want to have fun "wake up every morning and feel free"..
Freedom - that's another, whenever you get involved with someone, dependent on your intentions and feelings, make sure you're not making a mistake, and if you are believe it.

My mother always told me when the time comes you must walk away .. it's better you do now in your life than 10 years down the line.. and believe me you're mother's are always correct.

My mother is my best friend.. she knows things other's don't, she's the only one I want to turn to and cry on the phone to, she's the one person I feel most comfortable with, and the only person in this world that understands me better than i probably do me.

I guess, wherever you are in this world ...make decisions, make the right one's make the wrong ones.. learn from them and live a successful life, and one day you will get exactly what you deserve x

Lots of Love

Your Nikki

LOVE YOU

2011-04-05T14:21:00.003+01:00

Hey Guyss!!

Sorry I know it's beeen a while AGAIN!

I've been entered into this contest via Truxury to become a new york reporter for the day alongside some other lovely ladies..
to be honest i'm pretty sure i'm not going to win but just dreaming about the opportunity gets me excited enough :)
vote here by liking my photo or check out some of the other girls if you'd like --> http://www.facebook.com/pages/Truxury/142130042509423

I'll be sure to post some of my daily rants soon enough :)
and remember .. never forget you're worth!

Sorry I know it's Been a While..

2011-02-20T00:03:00.002Z

Hey guys.. sorry I know it's been a while since my last post but i'm still here living breathing on a daily basis..

My task in life right now is to make a puppet an animal puppet. We have been partnered up in class and we have 10 weeks! the puppet should be nearish real size and will be performed on stage. So that's stressfull!!

we're two weeks in and the time is ticking!!

what else what else..

for some reason - maybe the love in the month of february has risen..

i say this because i feel like i have become some love doctor.. many of my friends have entered into relationships - many have left relationships and I regardless of good or bad information - have become the perfect person to talk to about all these fantastic or heart breaking stories.

Oww well sometimes it can be a drag as i have no relationship of my own - sometimes sad - yet sometimes rewarding - being single means these things will never play on my mind for the time i stay this way .

i 've also learnt alot about the people around me - in good ways and in bad !

but i am greatful to be here !

i am very content in life - i am happy with the good and the bad - because worrying about the bad constantly never will change anything.

i've learnt a lot about me - the fact that you can never finger in someone else's life - you can only touch and change yours.

love you and goodnight you beauty's xox

Life

2011-01-20T00:27:00.002Z

Sorry i know i havent posted in a while guys!!

I've just been trying to sort my life out with uni work.. my future.. friends blah blah ..!

I've found i've been going out alot recently as I'm only in uni two days a week and haven't been set much work..

yes it angers me - because i should be working harder pushing myself hardr - but our large project starts on the 7th of feb - and i know i wont have a life for 10 weeks after this date so im trying to make the most of it !!

It's my mothers birthday today so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!

she's my one and only best friend !!

shes my sister mother and best friend all in one and i really dont know what i would do in this life without her!!

I've not got much to rant about today!!

wishing you all beautiful days!!

stay smiling :)

You Know....

2011-01-04T21:56:00.003Z

You know sometimes I Question...

"WHY MY?..WHY DID ALL OF THIS HAPPEN TO ME?"

But then again ..

"WHY NOT?!"

You can't say any fairer than that, can you.

Violence?

2011-01-04T12:17:00.003Z

Hey guyss!!

So I've kind of been thinking a lot recently when it comes to Domestic Violence after watching Alsha Dixon's "Don't Hit My Mum" Program.

I don't know if any of you watched it but the call made by a young daughter, as her mum was screaming "He's going to kill me" in the background has been stuck in my head..for a while now..

Men and women who choose to hit their children, hit their partners, hit the general public.. disgusts me, why use violence as an act you should perform on a daily basis, regardless of how angry you are.. yes okay! so some people can't control themselves, and they are hot tempered.. but this should be no excuse to beat up your partner, because you can't be a grown man and accept what life throws at you.

What some families don't understand are the kids involved.. parents believe when they are having an argument, only the two people involved are the two people involved! however this is not the case..

Even things as a small argument can encase fear into a young child, and over time this fear will develop.

Some parents don't understand the effects physical violence and memories it installs in a child... for someone to visually experience blood and bruises, between the people they love is never going to be easy, if anything it could create hate.

okay ... i guess this may not all make sense but something i'd been thinking about ...

If you are a victim or are experiencing problems, you should most certainly talk to someone..

talking helps the system.

Happy Holidays..

2010-12-25T15:24:00.006Z

Okay this is the 2nd time i'm writing this as.. my first post got wiped!

I'm BACK .. Back in England - and so very grateful too !

okay .. so i went to mumbai and Visited Gujrat, within the 2 weeks i spent i spent in India.

First and foremost .. i wouldn't say this was a holiday for me.. this was more of a self realization - discovery kind of trips - it was an "experience"

I learnt soo much more than i think i ever would in these two weeks of my life and it has egged me on to want to travel alot more, and visit different cultures..

Visiting another country with a whole new lifestyle a whole new outlook - has made me want to see other country's, made me want to explore..

Mumbai and Gujrat:

This city s a whole new world.. something out a movie .. where the impossible is made possible!

Cows walk the street night and day, horns are used as opposed to indicators, people build their homes on pathways and the most extravagant malls are built and selling in some of the poorest areas.

"didi(sister) you have the most beautiful eyes", my first encounter with a young girl and her brother as I walked the streets of Mumbai, she held her hand out to me and i held her close .. really not wanting to go. I gave her and her brother an endless amount of coins.. the fact that she wore no shoes and looked like she hadn't bathed in a while, made me want to question everything .. i wanted to ask her.. where her mum was, what she was doing on her own.. why she had no shoes on .. what she'd eaten for breakfast, tears welled up in my eyes .. and this feeling of having a lump in your throat stayed with me as i continued to see the poor throughout my trip..

i wanted to help her - i want to adopt them both - but there was nothing i could do except give her the change in my pocket.. but this I found was a Mistake..

I tried to help two children and round the corner were twenty waiting..

Poverty was rich .. the Poor were getting Poorer and the Rich? well they were getting Richer.

They seemed soo happy though?!

Life seemed to be about living day by day .. about the food and water they would eat, as opposed to their hobbies, their dreams , their ambitions and what they wanted to succeed.

The village seemed the same - just quieter..

children would be educated up to what seemed the age of around 12 - 13..

young girls would then get an arranged marriage between the ages of 16 - 20.

Many of family out there - told me it was my time and i was running out.. that they knew boys - and they could "hook me up"

I questioned my life .. what about these girls dreams - what about their life..

but soon I realized this was THEIR life.

My cousin is my age, age of 20 and has already been married a year.

She doesn't yet have a baby and her husband is off earning money for them in Dubai.

She lives with her in laws and helps cook clean, wash clothes and travels to a nearby well to collect water daily.

Many families keep cows and chickens to help with resources for food, and life each day seems about just living .. the men earn the women stay at home and look after their kids.

Okay i know i sound negative .. but it's their life and as people say .. "you never miss what you never had"

However what I did appreciate was the love - families live so close together - my family itself have 5 generations within one household .. yes okay - cramped conditions and babies everywhere .. but their love is pure and comfort and reassurance is what you constantly feel.

However i know i wouldn't have been able to stay more than the 3 days I was there..

"sitting in the air" to take a dump wasn't easy, and what made it more difficult were the lizards that would crawl up you while you were trying to fall asleep.

It made me feel dirty and I didn't feel myself when i was there..

Yes I know i may sound vain .. but once you've lived your life in England to go to a country where houses are made out of cow crap mixed with hay and constant itching from bug bites - you'd feel the pain.

This isn't to say i didn't learn anything - I learnt soo very much - how hardworking people are and how much Life itself is cherished.. it made me think back to my life - and how a silly broken nail - or the fact your mobile phone isn't working means to you.

I wish people would have been able to see though my eyes - the two weeks i was there.. life is hard - it's a struggle - but hearts are pure.. and the bond of love is strong.

I learnt things in your life need to be ruined.. you need to feel pain once in a while to know exactly what you deserve.. Life is never going to be easy .. and as much as you hate them moments where you fail a test or your boyfriend doesn't love you anymore.. these are the experiences in your life you must cherish the most .. because this is what helps us learn as human beings .. it makes us stronger and it makes us understand exactly we want and what we should deserve.

I could tell you soo much more about the places i visited - Elephhanta.. Haji Ali.. the cinemas.. the markets.. but I'd have to write pages and pages..

I am very grateful for this experience and hope to have many more.

i also promise to keep you guys updated more often than i have done recently :)

Enjoy the photo's :)

Nikki xox

Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year to You All xx

Update

2010-11-28T22:43:00.002Z

My little creation of the day - and i must say i am proud :)

What If..

2010-11-28T01:21:00.005Z

sometimes i wish i could press fast forward on life..

but then again that wouldn't be me living, understanding and most of all learning would it ...

pause: for the happiest moments in my life

fast forward: painful times and struggles in life

play: for when life is just how you like it

but this is all surreal, superficial.. i wonder what emotions we would carry if we did any if this is how we could control our lives.

..

so i'm back up on my feet drawing again .. but my skills have deteriorated and i need much much more practice!!

love you all xox

Grown..

2010-11-15T22:41:00.002Z

i've been thinking lately..over some toast and a hot chocolate..

you start to realize when you've grown up..

everyone hurts from time to time.. and everyone at some stage in their life wants to give up..

but it's overcoming the confusion, overcoming the pain .. this is when you can successfully say you've grown..

heading back home over the weekend made me aware of my independence i love my mother to bits.. but i didn't need to be home.. i didn't rely on her love or care to help soothe me..

it's then i realized i needed nobody other than myself..

now i know some say to me - they hate travelling on their own they hate being on their own.. truth is .. i love it ..

yeah there are times when you hurt and wallow in self - pity ..

but just that "own time" helps you understand yourself...

now i've been a child in the past - it's safe to say .. i'll always have my moments.. but ..

it's the things in life like your

family

your work

your success

you

that should be most important .. these things will never leave you ..

your education your passion will never throw you to a side .. stick to it love it .. cherish it .. spoil it...

these are just some of things i've come to realize..

your life is what you create it..

paint your picture x

HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

2010-11-14T12:37:00.003Z

guys and girls!!

i shall be going to India on the 8th of december - flying out on my own and meeting my parents there!!

how exciting .. i'm soo happy to get away - i just need that little break - to help energize me into work for when i get back...

so i shall be going for 2 weeks and plan to take many many photos for you all!!

india's a beautiful place - and a great culture shock for me!!

i'm going to make the most of my time and work as hard as i possibly can right now .. hand in my project and fly out!!

i'll try and make some videos out there to .. so keep a watch out for new and upcoming videos!!

a holiday is just what i have needed !!

love you all

OHH lala!!

2010-10-30T14:52:00.003+01:00

heyy guys ... so i finally made an advice vid - i don't think it's as popular as the beauty vids!! but heyy i'll make more :)

so halloween tomo - i have no idea what i'm dressing up as and i think last minute shopping tomo is what i'll have to do !

i'll try get a video or atleast photos for you guys!!

what are you guys dressing up as?

busy busy busy

2010-10-17T18:53:00.004+01:00

Gosh i'm so crap at updating nowadays since i moved to london ! i know epic fail!!

i started university in london, and have failed at uploading any posts or any youtube videos!!..

gosh i love doing this and i love hearing from you guys but my sincerest apologies to you all i suck!!

so what have i been up to ..
to be honest - socialising.. making new friends.. i don't have any days off and uni from 10 - 5 everyday !
but hey it hasn't been so hectic - just group work - amazing work in fact..
we were set to make a cardboard set for our interpretation of the blitz all groups includin set design and tech arts.. got together and this is what was created within two weeks - amazing right!

i have met new and wonderful people.. and i guess thats why i've been slacking here!

life in general.. yeah you know - you have your ups and downs when you move away from your home your closest friends.. but time moves on and so do you ..

boys boys boys ... well ... everythings always confusing in that section of my life.. i wish i could say "yeah everythings good" but in the life of nikki it never is.. but then again perfect may actually bore me!!

i said a long time ago to actually vlog about what i write but to be perfectly honest it scares me to have my world out there on the internet .. i should just grow a pair and make one and put it out there..

right im off now .. until next time folks ..:) love you all very much xo

Independence !

2010-10-01T21:11:00.003+01:00

Hello Lovlies!!

(sorry about the bad photo quality)

sorry it's been ever such a long time.. well i am officially a freshers now!!

so this week has been hectic - learning about different cultures.. the way in which people live their lives.. their habits, their morals .. everything..

moving to university and living on your own is such an amazing experience ..

you learn how to live on your own .. you experience loneliness, sadness but at the same time excitement and freedom..

it's always tough in the beginning but you make friends and you enjoy yourself..

i lived on my own last yea r.. so coping again is much of an easier experience.. i just cant wait to start university now..

sorry i havent been uploading videos and blogposts i just moved into my large room from a standard!! so soo much space .. and i havent even started decorating..

i moved in two single beds and bought rails for all my clothes!!

i can't wait to start university this is what im here for - to make something of myself!!

were all here to chase our dream ..

so lets go!

spread your wings and prepare to fly!!

Starting University... eEk

2010-09-19T23:51:00.002+01:00

So the start to university .. is supposed to be exciting.. brilliant .. fabulous.. right?

dont always expect too much it's also hard .. and you also get homesickk.. which is the bit im feeling today ..
okay so my aprent only left like 4hours ago.. i whizzed round all excited.. sunday night unpacking unloaded .. quick meet and greet with the flatmates i have and made my bedroom look pretty..

but now .. i miss my mum.. i miss her shouting at me .. i miss just sitting talking to her.. but i know it will all be okay..

you see you'll have you're ups and your downs.. and i guess i'm posting this now because many of you are moving away at this time..
remember you have loved one's you have close one's who are only one call away .. everything will be fine..
it's a sunday night.. midnight and i've decided to watch a couple of episodes of keeping up with the kardashians ..
and then hit the hay .. i want to get an early night.. to wake up fresh tomo

now there is no hot water and hasn't been for two weeks - and they don't call this an emergency which is so frikkin weird!!
my aim is to be the first to complain ! awrgh!

you'll make friendss.. and if not now then when you start you're course.. freshers helps you meet many others like yourself..
but don't expect to stick with the same crowd throughout the year - your friends will constantly change and you can pick who you want!

this is the start of a new journey ..
embrace it xo

Apologies xo

2010-09-16T03:42:00.004+01:00

Sorry loves .. i know i've been slacking a lot with my blog posts as well as my youtube videos..

I will be moving into halls of residence at this end of this week and have been gathering my stuff together .. for the big move..

am i worried.. ? not really

anxious mostly ..

i question :- what are the people i'm going to live with be like..? will i make friends? etc:

however, i know everything is going to be okay because in three simple words

life

moves

i've learnt it's soo easy to become trapped within emotion. you feel when something bad happens i.e - your heart gets broken, you missed a deadline, your finance loan has not arrived.. all these different emotions run inside you..

especially for me.. the smallest things can become huge heavy objects weighing me down..

i guess it's something i have to learn to deal with..

when i'm hurt - i truly feel the pain

when i'm nervous - i can't stop but shake

when i'm happy - im beyond hyper

and the list goes on..

i try not to run but i can't help myself..

life moves so fast .. and time is always of the essence

it's right now that matters .. not yesterday or three years ago ..or what he/she did to you

Think Now, Think Big, Create Your FUTURE!

Yours Truly xo

Regrets..

2010-09-03T00:19:00.005+01:00

Heyy guys ... so for the last couple of days i've been getting quite a few messages from girls.. asking me to do vlogs on boys - my experiences and relationships.. i really think it is a good idea - and would also love to know your input?
i'm not much afraid to talk about relationships and help people out there even if this means having to share my own experiences.. however i am one not to take my own advice .. i guess different situations .. call different measures..

Regrets..

I guess many say .. "you should never regret anything in life" .. and i feel this is positive way of looking forward.. it's a way in which you learn but you don't dwell..
me .. i guess sometimes i may dwell a little too much - falling in a little too deep.. sometimes i think back - not necessarily regretting but wanting to change things .. do them differently if i ever had the chance.. but we don't live in a time machine .. and within this world we always want "what we can not have"

"sitting here drinking out of my bottle of water thinking.." i may dwell .. but what a waste of time .. over the past couple of days i've realised from those talking closest to me ... that everything can change within one second.. however .. time is a great healer - everything takes time ..
i myself want things planned - i liek to see my way forward in life.. i'm not one to sit back relax - i need to know i'm moving forward and getting what i want.. but i've realised sometimes u need to take a step back .. look at the bigger picture..

sometimes it's for the best ..

relationships are never perfect and differences between partners will always exist - a perfect relationship is a boring relationship ..

but you have to be true to yourself.. you also have to be able to accept your mishaps and your own negativities .. someone one day may love these about you - they may choose to accept your stubborness or accept your dramatic tantrums..

"treat those around you as you would like to be treated yourself"
who does this all the time.. we're all human - and it's impossible not to be selfish ..
but it is something i think about from time to time when .. things get hard.. when i find it difficult to accept certain circumstances..

i guess i do go on .. and i shall stop once again until next time folks :)

love you xo

Dress Hell!

2010-08-29T13:09:00.008+01:00

Hello Beautiful People..

so .. i've been searching in leicester all week for the perfect dress.. but nope - lil ol' leicester had nothing to offer me ...
so i feel like - i've put a hell of a lot of weight on since this summer started..
i'm a size 10 and a DD breastcup .. but this figure is not flattering in any dress.. every dress i wear i feel square in ..

as the pictures visually tell you ..
see now i would wish to be a size 8 and a B/C cup - or even an A, smaller breasts are soo much more appealing to me.. they look alot sexier - and you can show alot more skin with smaller breasts..

so these dresses were all i tried on and many more - and i look square in all of them and didn't purchase any ..
i ended up wearing the top and skirt combo - which was the one i felt looked best..

i purchased these gorgeous shoes - Primark - my fave shop ! for only £6.00 on sale!!

now there's this gorgeous jumper for a whopping £35.00 i must - i rephrase i need!!

Now i'll still be on the hunt for the perfect dress - you see i don't like shopping online - but i may have to end up buying clothes online.. i just hate having t return and not being able to try before i buy :)

xox

Bringing Up Babes!

2010-08-26T18:49:00.002+01:00

Hello Hunny Pies..

Just thoughts on today and i know it's a loooooong way away - but bringing up children ...

Some say .. children just stop you from doing what you want.. others say their children are they life and they live for their children.. i believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion but these would probably be my thoughts on the subject...

of course i want children .. yes i feel i must have children when i feel ready and my career is at a steady pace - therefore i won't feel as if i haven't lived my life..

children are your own .. they come from you and they are a part of you .. i couldn't see my life without having children or even grandchildren .. i know it's a loong way away .. but i know i want these precious souls with the right partner at the right time!

i know this is a bit of a random post.. but thinking lately.. i believe your own childhood helps you understand a way in which you should and should not bring up your children.

i would never want to bring my children up in a negative atmosphere .. i would never want to argue in front of them and i would never want them to see things which were just not appropriate ..

that being said .. it's a long way away - and just one of life's ponderings for now ..

"Hateration"

2010-08-21T00:38:00.003+01:00

Hello Beauties!

I felt this topic should be addressed today ..

H A T E R S

"you will never be able to be liked by everyone walking this earth. There are people who are going to dislike you wherever you go, even if they don't know you .. some may say this is because of jealousy."

now i've brought this topic forward today as i have received my fair share of hate mail.. after regularly posting videos to my youtube page.. yotube is my hobby, making videos is what i enjoy doing - i love helping my subscribers and i love to hear feedback. However.. there are always going to be people who despise you.. so recently on my formspring i received around 15 nasty messages. an overlook -

"you're an ugly bitch"

"you're fake"

"you don't deserve that many subscribers"

"personal attacks"

blah blah blah

HOWEVER..

you see i was quite thrilled as my haters.. seem to follow.. they seem to know what i'm doing.. what my latest tweet updates are.. and hate on my recent videos..

therefore i believe ..

"if you have haters., you know you're doing something right"

these people are almost following you're every step - why would they do this if they don't like you? doesn't make sense?!

anywhoo.. the point is .. dont let it bring you down - it can only make you stronger as a person ...

you are who you are, and you are is beautiful!

Lots of Love Nik xoxo

Another Post Dolls xo

2010-08-15T23:47:00.003+01:00

Hello Dollies!

sorry it's been a while..

I'm using the GOSH primer! it is so amazing and just like velvet on the skin .. makeup applied on the skin looks flawless and simply gorgeous!!

Okay so for days and days i've been trying to find the perfect tweezers.. it's so frustrating when you get a pair that are expensive and say "professional" on the front but are ever so blunt!!

so for any of you boys or girls looking to keep away the stray hairs... i would recommend TWEEZERMAN!

Tweezerman is an amazing brand - their tweezers are soo sharp - soo very sharp and they pick up all of the short hairs!

i'd recommend as they do to warm the skin with warm water... which will open your pores.. making the hairs easily accessible, then to wash your face with cold water to close them.

You see now i must have spent over £20.00 on blunt tweezers.. buying ones here and there for £2.99 or 4.99 .. thinking they would work .. but they never did.

I'd suggest when it comes to buying thing s which you are going to use regularly.. buy wisely and try not to think too much about money .. as this way you won't be wasting any money!

i'd also recommend the same with foundations and concealers... i try to buy foundations and concealers that i feel work really well for my skin.. the last thing you want is to buy a lot of cheap makeup which doesn't work for you or look right!

however.. i know it's difficult i don't have a job and i'm starting university in september.. you have to also learn how to d.i.y and make do with what you have..

this is a really good way to start..

if you use urban decay primer potion.. and you feel your primers finished .. watch youtube videos on how to depot yout urban decay primer potion.. and you'd be amazed with the results..

i did it the other day and you almost feel conned with how much primer you have left!!

lots of love

Nikki xo

Hello Dolls

2010-08-08T16:56:00.004+01:00

Hello Dolls!!

Just wanted to ask you beautiful people what requests you may have for any new youtube videos!
you see i'm not soo much into makeup - as much as i am into style .. and theres only soo many outfits you can show..
i cant afford to go shopping every week and i feel as if my videos are lacking !
i want to give my viewers more i just don't know how.

please comment below :)

LOVE

2010-08-06T11:51:00.007+01:00

to nikki, from a fan xo

"dear nikki,
i wanted to write this to you on formspring, but i'm glad you accepted my friend request on here so it can be a little more...personal i guess you could say.
anywho, i just wanted to say: THANK YOU. thank you for the hair tutorials, the getting ready videos, the outfit of the day videos, the blog updates, thank you for EVERYTHING. you have helped me so much and have been such a big inspiration! when i think of you, i think of a girl who is pretty much the same age as me and going through the same things i go through. you truly shine as a real person and not some chick who's just on youtube blabbing..if that makes any sense haha.
as i watched your videos and read your blog posts..i realized why i have so much love and respect for you. you remind me alot of myself :) the love of hair, makeup, theater, the funky fashion, the silliness, almost everything! and with all that said, you seem to enjoy being nikki. just being yourself and loving yourself..i could never knock someone for being so positive!
i feel like i want to say SO much more, but my brain is really keeping me speechless right now. well, if you take anything out of this letter..just remember that you always have a fan who adores you in omaha, nebraska! i wish you all the love, happiness, and success in the world!"

Raeven

i woke to read such a beautiful message today.. one which opened my eyes to the world around me, and i am soo thankful.

it is people like this my viewers, my subscribers, my followers - who keep me going on a daily basis .. just knowing that atleast my videos.. or my blogposts have helped one person - is enough for me to carry on making more and more..
i love each and everyone of my followers - who comments on my videos and blogposts - ask questions on formspring as it helps build my confidence and drive to do more and more..
i guess.. i do what i do .. because i enjoy it.. however.. reading replies.. comments .. makes me enjoy the experience even more.. to know that someone tried a certain hairstyle and loved it .. or to no someone was given ideas for an outfit they could wear on the first date.. makes me feel immensely happy - it's an added bonus - which i cherish ever soo much.

thankyou for all the support and thankyou for being there :)

Lotsa Lotsa Love Nikki

p.s i do not mean to go on as if i am "someone" i just wanted to show my appreciation

"this too shall pass"

2010-08-03T10:22:00.004+01:00

i believe everyone atleast once in their life should have to deal with heartache..
it really does make you a stronger person and you learn alot more about yourself.. you deal with how to take the pain and you deal with how to put it to one side and move on..
dealing with heartache can be tough but their are many people who suffer a lot worse..
i always try to think of children who may be starving .. or the sexually abused
this book i've been reading "living with evil" written by cynthia owen really brings to light.. what some have gone through.. a terrible life, a life of torture..

i tell myself..

"this too shall pass"

such a beautiful saying.. all material conditions negative or positive will never stay like this forever.. wherever you may be whatever you may do, and however serious this may feel .. it ill pass - times move on and things change in life - you will get over it.
and this is true - time is the biggest healer - its what i wish i could fast - forward sometime..
but "this too shall pass" is perfect for some of you who are thinking negatively ..

or there's always the saying "fuck it!"

but that isn't to ladylike now =]

have a good day x

Nik

Live. Love. Laugh

2010-08-01T23:39:00.000+01:00

People come and Go.. the longest relationship you have - will be yourself - understand yourself - get to know who you are love yourself - before someone is able to love you..
life is precious - spend every moment of it - doing whatever it is that you enjoy most :)

If you don't like who you are or who you have become - turn over a new page in your life .. it's evident that people can change and will change - if they really want to

Love Nikki x

Rocking The Pastels?!

2010-07-28T23:53:00.006+01:00

I'm Loving my new found pastel shades =) i don't know whether they're in .. but i'm going to be rocking them this summer/autumn.

Looking through my wardrobe today i realized i have many tops, many skirts, many accessories.. a car bott is a must - as i have plenty of clothes i need to sell and get rid of ... this will be my next step - hopefully i can make some money and save it - not put it toward more clothes..

studying in London puts you under pressure to look the part - however i've realized i' m a student .. and it's time i started acting like one .. charity shops here i come!!

However i do bargain buy alot :)

OUTFIT:-

waistcoat/ blazer - primark - £13.00

black razor back top - bershka - £6.00

pink skirt - primark - £5.00

brown suede boots - primark - £13.00

studded belt - debenhams - £10.00

"feel beautiful, for less"

p.s spend more on pieces you know you're going to wear more for example..

i spend more on foundation - it's what you're going to wear every time you go out
i spent £10.00 on my studded belt - one piece i wear almost everyvtime
i spend more on a good pair of shoes - one piece black statement shoes you know will go well with everything
etc: etc:

and i only buy if i absolutely love - if i like and it's under £5.00 i buy ..but don't waste your money!

the girl who wanted to be god

2010-07-27T18:46:00.003+01:00

the girl who wanted to be God

“I still do not know myself. Perhaps I never will. But I feel free — unbound by responsibility, I still can come up to my own private room, with my drawings hanging on the walls… and pictures pinned up over my bureau. It is a room suited to me — tailored, uncluttered, and peaceful…. I love the quiet lines of the furniture, the two bookcases filled with poetry books and fairy tales saved from childhood.

At the present moment I am very happy, sitting at my desk, looking out at the bare trees around the house across the street. …Always I want to be an observer. I want to be affected by life deeply, but never so blinded that I cannot see my share of existence in a wry, humorous light and mock myself as I mock others. I am afraid of getting older. I am afraid of getting married. Spare me from cooking three meals a day — spare me from the relentless cage of routine and rote. I want to be free — free to know people and their backgrounds — free to move to different parts of the world so I may learn that there are other morals and standards besides my own.

I want, I think, to be omniscient. …I think I would like to call myself “The girl who wanted to be God.” Yet if I were not in this body, where would I be — perhaps I am destined to be classified and qualified. But, oh, I cry out against it. I am I — I am powerful — but to what extent?

I am I.”

- Sylvia Plath, Reflections of a 17 Year Old.

You Know What?!

2010-07-23T14:18:00.002+01:00

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!!

Looking Forward..*

2010-07-22T22:39:00.005+01:00

I Move On

Not Because I Want To

Because I Have To

I Put On All Smiles

Knowing Life Without You Is Tearing Me Apart

Because I Have To

I Love You But I Know I Can't Anymore

Because This Is The Way It Is Now

6 Years Too Long

I Am A Strong Woman Destined For Great Things

Your Loss Will Bite You Back

And You Will Once Again Run Back

Because You Have To

Case CLOSED

and I from this day on refuse to shed a tear over you!

100th Post!!

2010-07-22T11:31:00.003+01:00

This Is How I Deal With The Crap Life Throws At Me

Smile Pretty Ladies.. now if something is bugging you today - you've had an argument with your best friend.. your mum just doesnt understand .. your boyfriend doesn't really care anymore..
Retail Therepy is a must . or just get out ... breathe in the fresh air and let you be you - be happy in your own skin and be happy with yourself :)

LOL Spread The Love Heart Heart Heart

2010-07-18T00:48:00.002+01:00

Hello Beautiful People =]

2010-07-17T20:53:00.005+01:00

Hello Gorgeous People!!

What are you guys up to

I'm really happy today and feel so inspired.. I was browsing around town to find a mini art exhibition..
now i spoke to the guy ... and he told he anyone could exhibit and in turn make money for charity as well as their art..
this is definitely something that has inspired me to carry on creating more Art .. this way it will also get recognized =]

"Art is all around us - we breathe, we create, but we can Never Abolish Art!!"

What Inspires You ?

..Life is Precious..

2010-07-15T15:09:00.008+01:00

Pull a weird face?

Your Life is Precious

Don't let anyone ruin it .. live for yourself .. and stay happy!

I hope you all have a wonderful day today - and remember if someone puts you down .. they aren't worth your time..
go and eat some cake watch your favourite film.. snuggle up in bed .. read your Vogue.. make a youtube vid.. put your makeup on.. do something for yourself!
everyone's selfish from time to time - what's wrong in that!?

and remember whatever you do ..

S M I L E = )

Positive Thoughts Positive Ways..*

2010-07-14T01:24:00.006+01:00

Some silliness and retail therepy should never go a miss!

I'm tucked all snug in bed.. in my Uni of the arts large hoodie, my grey joggers and my thick black socks.. hair tied in a bun .. al i need now is a glass of hot co co and marshmallows :)

job hunting tomo.. fingers crossed xxx

today's taught me .. you have many in your life.. it's just up to you who you choose to keep in and out of it :)

Hater of Love?

2010-07-11T21:50:00.004+01:00

"I don't no if this is worth it"

"I spend soo much money on you"

"I always come first, there's no-one else on my list"

"I don't see a future in us"

"I'm not completely in love with you you"

"I don't want to do this anymore, I care about you but I just don't know"

"I want to be able to do things that I enjoy"

"No I don't see the point in going out with you and your friends - when I would have a better time with my friends"

"I'm not a guy who's obsessed with his girlfriend, i don't live for her"

And he claims .. he really cares about me and loves me.. after 6 years .. this is what the relationship has disintegrated to.
Worth it? No!
Hater of Love - Maybe So.

Nikki and her Lovely Rants xox

Ow I Do Miss London !!

2010-07-10T20:12:00.005+01:00

I shall shortly be back to London in September but i miss it greatly..
i miss being away from everything, being away from home .. i miss how you can catch a tube to the middle of nowhere i miss my flatmates..
but I am ready to start again :)

will be soo much fun and i am looking forward to it!

Be Happy For Those In Your Life, Forget Those Who Have Chosen To Let You Go..

2010-07-06T18:38:00.005+01:00

"I'm learning slowly that people will come in and out of your life.. but you have to know who's worth the fight!
you can't be with someone who doesn't treat you like your everything - if they choose to let you go .. why carry on trying..
now i've been in a similar situation .. and i've come to the end of my tether!
Goodbye's have never been my strong point.. but I feel in my lifetime - obviously only at 19 years of age - that i've has 2 boys who have honestly loved me, and would give up the world to make sure I was safe..
I constantly run after the one who i mean not much to!
people do crazy.. weird things!
learn to let go of those who would let you go! you have to be self - confident and girls, depression over a guy is not attractive..
it's weird because i'd like to think i'd listen to my own advice - do i? not really ..
i know what's right to do .. but i also understand when you are in a situation where.. you want things to just be normal - you want to be in a healthy relationship .. you try - even when you shouldn't.
it's difficult to let go - but why plunge yourself into the fire over and over gain.. no one enjoys getting hurt.

i know a lot of my blog posts are relationship based.. it's been something i've been thinking about a lot recently.. and i've decided .. a "nice guy" isn't bad at all..as opposed to everything i said in my other post.
you see you have to understand you have to adjust - you may like certain things like a tall, gorgeous, blue eyed boy but .. life isn't going to hand everything to you on a plate.

you don't choose who you fall for.. but you know when to ditch them if you aren't treated correctly.
make sure you always put yourself first..
you first.. guys walk in and out "

I absolutely adore my new necklace given to me by my lovely friend.
i love him =] x

ASK ME ANYTHING :):)

2010-07-03T18:33:00.001+01:00

http://www.formspring.me/NikkiPatel
http://www.formspring.me/NikkiPatel
http://www.formspring.me/NikkiPatel

click CLICK click!!

We Used To Love

2010-06-30T03:48:00.004+01:00

We Used To Love x

Hey Doll's..*

2010-06-29T20:19:00.004+01:00

Okay so here I am!!
BACK!!
RANTING!!

Okay so why is it a girl will still return to her ex.. her feelings of the past may stay strong.. even though the ex may not be good to her - he may have emotionally hurt her
Why is it then when you find a "Nice" guy.. you like but you still refuse to touch?

Is a "Nice" GUY = the new boring?
Are us girls headed for the dirtbikers, the rock 'n' rollers, the guys with the jeans hanging at their knees?

not necessarily, you see I find "Nice" very nice, for a while..
the calls the continuous txt messages, the voicemails left on your phone - how adorable .. so very nice...
But then - "Too Much Nice" also exists - and this is when i believe the "Nice Guy" gets boring..

You see girls like to be (not all the time), but like to be manhandled, they want to know the guy also has some power..
They want to see frustration in his eyes and pain - if you hurt him
NOT, "I understand, yes it hurts, but i love you, i forgive you, and i will always be there for you"
Now this..
is "NICE" but it doesn't show the girl what she may be missing!

"Is This CONFUSING?"

Basically , what i'm trying to say is - "Nice" guys are "Nice",
However, you don't want them to be putty in your hands, they have to take control sometimes..

Everything in Life is a Power Struggle x

When He Comes, He Comes.. Grab Him - Don't Let Him Go

"Don't keep Wishing things were DIFFERENT"

Either..

"Make It Happen, or.. Let It Go!"

Nik xox

UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

2010-06-27T17:58:00.006+01:00

So how do you guys like the bigger photo's and new layout??
thought the old one was abit to girliesh childish - u know :)

YOUTUBE

2010-06-21T13:29:00.001+01:00

So I just uploaded 2 new vids with 7 different style videos :)
Check them out!!

http://www.youtube.com/user/N1kk1sSecr3t

"Come To Paris With Me"

2010-06-12T22:57:00.003+01:00

What do you say when a good friend of yours tells you he wants to take you to such a beautiful city?
Hhaha why would life be so difficult!

It's weird isn't it the advice i give to others is not necessarily advice i would take ..
i tell people they deserve the very best they deserve to be someone's number one princess..
there are many partners out there not just one soulmate.

you may be happy for the short term but also think long term - don't make the mistake of landing yourself with someone who cares about you 50%

find the one you love and who loves you!!

beautiful city, beautiful friend.

why is it the one you don't want treats you so special.. treats you just how you should be!
what does this mean ...
gosh time - i need bernard's watch - wish to fast forward pain and slow down happiness..

:)

Go grab what you deserve with both hands - hold these people close to your heart ...mistakes will happen -
learn to forgive and forget else you wont move forward !

Hobbies..*

2010-06-03T18:57:00.004+01:00

Sculpting in Chavant clay and Drawing!!

awrgh just relaxes me - Get creative on a Hot Summers Day!

You'll be amazed what you will be able to accomplish - and so what if you're not happy start again !

What's the worst tat could happen?!

Simple the New Black?

2010-06-03T18:54:00.001+01:00

I've really been into using no brushes only fingers to apply my foundation - eyeliner - and a bit of brush - for the start of the summer - maybe because it's just too hot to wear anything else?

Nude Earthy Colours is what I say

How have your makeup looks changed?

Summer?

2010-05-27T22:54:00.002+01:00

What are you guys up to this summer!

i think everyone should create a youtube account!! and put up videos of what they love doing!!

if you have one already post it below in the comment section i'll check it out

mine is

N1kk1sSecret

check me out :)

25th MAY

2010-05-23T14:03:00.000+01:00

I CAN NOT WAIT - TILL THE 25TH OF MAY

Summer finally begins

good luck to all handing in assignments, sitting exams

handing in projects and may you all have a wonderful summer

good luck :)

Friends x

2010-05-19T23:48:00.001+01:00

I miss my friends dearly and love them all <3

Kisses xox

Felling Blue!!

2010-05-14T17:56:00.003+01:00

I can't wait until i hand in this final major projects it's killing me - and i'm going through a stage where i just feel like i can no longer do it AWRGHH!!
but i know i cant give up!!

feeling a bit blue so went shopping yesterday and i'm in love with the floral dress i bought from primark for £9.00!! YAYYY

I also bought me some wasabi sushi yay!!! love sushi thinking of it just makes me want some right now!!

:) smile hunny b's, life is beautiful :)

p.s i just uploaded a video on my youtube - what i do - i tell you about what i study and go through some of my sketchbook work so check it out :) N1kk1sSecr3t - Find Me x

x Nik

keep those you love dear to your heart!

2010-05-07T22:31:00.002+01:00

AMAZING NEWS!!

2010-05-03T03:12:00.003+01:00

SO..
guys and girls ...

I just wanted to let you i got into

WIMBLEDON - TECHNICAL EFFECTS

LONDON COLLEGE OF FASHION - TECHNICAL EFFECTS

LONDON SCHOOL OF SPEECH AND DRAMA - PUPPETRY

problem.. now is which one to choose

i'm soo happy I've gotten this far!

What's everyone else doing? help me pick one!!

:)
mwah love you lots xox

p.s my gorgeous bubba is so cute isn't he just!

2010-04-29T18:22:00.001+01:00

Life Drawing!

2010-04-21T00:18:00.000+01:00

i practice to draw everyday - and you do get better funny how at the start of the yea i could only draw stick men! soo much more room for improvement though!!
i guess you keep on learning :)

Undergoing painting surgery!!

2010-04-20T19:38:00.001+01:00

when the going gets tough the tough gets going!!

Work In Progress..*

2010-04-20T01:24:00.004+01:00

My work in progress.. gosh i really want to make more youtube videos and have more social time but hey its the art behind taking on a foundation course:)
do love <3

<3

Photoshoot for me Work!!

2010-04-13T00:52:00.002+01:00

Makeup done by me
and a very special Aanand.W,Ewins my gorgeous model :)

face created with gluestick.. foundation palette.. various brushes.. red lipstick.. lipgloss.. eyelashes, eyeliner and thats about it :) and a bit of latex :)

my gorgeous boy

2010-04-08T06:26:00.000+01:00

:) how gorgeous i named him Jesse =)

sorry guys/ jesus

2010-04-01T22:06:00.003+01:00

sorry guys i haven't been posting on a regular basis - i would love to but i've got soo much work on at the moment it just isn't possible

i finally made a start on my final major project !!

New Finds ..*

2010-03-28T18:07:00.003+01:00

Did a bit of window shopping and found these to gorgeous find along with a tight black skirt..
the first ones a floral dress soo summery and the next is a black lace top feminine and seductive..
:)
the dress - £13.00
net vest - £6.99
bargain i say!

Stay Positive

2010-03-24T22:15:00.001Z

Being around positive people helps push you forward..
i'm thankful for all those in my life..
who are dearly close to my heart.. the ones who keep pushing me .. who reassure me i'll make it to the top..
be thankful for those who you love and who love you :)
life is precious :)
live. love. laugh

dont waste x

Fringe/ Middle Parting?

2010-03-20T20:13:00.001Z

heyy guyss!
hope you're all okay!!

okay.. so it's goten to the stage where i can either grow my fringe out or cut it back into a heavy side fringe!!
tbh it's really irritating me ..
but middle parting? really? hmm i'm not too sure what do you guys think?

:) post comments mwah mwah mwah xox

Smile =] Stay Happy =]

2010-03-18T03:58:00.002Z

Live. Love. Laugh

"Handprint on my Heart"

2010-03-16T02:00:00.002Z

He's Perfect .. yet it's complicated..
but how can it be ?

those three words are said too much .. how do i tell him any different?
Miss You x

My Apologies xx

2010-03-04T06:43:00.002Z

Heyy guyss and girlss..

sorry i haven't posted for a while - it's assessment period here.. and i'm freaking out..
here is just a couple of things happening in my world :)

mwah :) hope everyone is all good and well.. and i hope to post more by next week as well as make more youtube videos ..
sorry :)

another piece?

2010-02-22T00:33:00.008Z

dont overdo things...
i kept trying at this piece and it really ticked me off..
so you know what.. i left it ..
things do not need to be perfect .. leave them move on
the same applies to life.. with people .. there is only soo much you can try

your life no matter how hard you try will never be as perfect and prettily painted as you wanted it to be

don't just stay comfortable with life push yourself further..
if you find that someone that drives you - healthy competition?
keep a hold of them ..
you never know you may fall
fall hard.. fall deep ..

a blossoming relationship is truly divine ..

you're imperfections are your beauty!

embrace them !

District 9

2010-02-21T13:57:00.001Z

District 9 is fabulous - if you havent watched it yet

go out and buy it

you will not be disappointed

mwah chicks xxx

Smile =]

2010-02-09T17:37:00.003Z

Smile =] ( yeah this photo wa sin the early hours of the morn so please forgive :))

remember it's personality that captures the heart ...
=]
you are a beautiful person.. always remember to carry on pushing yourself!
move forward in life do not settle for now .. always push harder :)
and whatever you guys do remember to smile..
hold on to what makes you happy.. who makes you happy ..

i am abit of everyone in my life :)
you and those special help create you and you help create those around you :)

"love is all you need"

mwah x

"Good Friends Will Stab You In The Front"

2010-02-05T21:24:00.004Z

My Friends create the Backbone of Me..
People change.. but .. those who mean the world will set their footprints on your heart..
be slow as to who you choose..

live. love. laugh x

"you'll be in my heart.. from this day on.. now and forever more"

Practice Makes Perfect Loves ..*

2010-01-30T14:33:00.001Z

Keep Trying xx

Moving Forward..

2010-01-29T20:42:00.002Z

Isn't it amazing when you meet that one person who makes you smile.. that one person who can make everything seem better in an instant..
I've found myself come round the bend .. from a heartbreaking relationship to find myself plunged in the deep end with someone incredible..
who would have ever thought it ..
life's about taking chances..
taking risks..
sometimes jumping in the deep end ... works out better
don't be afraid ..

embrace life's challenges with both hands
and strive for what you deserve
because of course..
you deserve the best
...

have i found the best...
the best of the bunch as i see it :)

"good things come to those who wait"

Loves x

coloured pencils are my new found love

2010-01-29T01:46:00.003Z

Coloured Pencils

2010-01-27T07:26:00.001Z

draw draw practice practice !!

Museum of Childhood

2010-01-27T01:28:00.002Z

Museum of Childhood.. the whole experience of just sitting drawing.. colouring there wow - nearest tube stop bethnal green!
Not your prettiest doll i know - she's one of the ugly sisters from the story Cinderella x

Heyy..

2010-01-21T11:38:00.002Z

Hey Lovess.. okay so I have a date today !! omyy!!
i am sooo very nervous !!
any confidence boosters?
what did you guys react like on your first dates?
answers needed :P

Do You Like Me Now?

2010-01-19T22:03:00.001Z

just playing with makeup - aged much :P?

pPpRINGLES!

2010-01-19T22:01:00.000Z

You Gotta <3 'em

I'MM BACKK!!

2010-01-18T23:27:00.002Z

Heyyy Guys and Girls.. I'M BACK!

:)
Right so i haven't really been posting or making youtube videos recently cause i'm back in London Town!
Yes london Town - and another term of uni!
Uni's been stressful as always - another project to start and finish in a matter of weeks!
And things are really looking up :-)

You know ... i saw this video today by heather123 on youtube under the heading Breakup!
The girl is lush ... only 18 but reminded me of what i've been telling you guys..
she also made me think 'cause she said ..
if a guy ever comes back to you and tells you he's changed - he honestly hasn't .. it'll be better for a few months .. and then go downhill..
now i'm not to sure.. i don't really know what to think .. i think you always have to be strong ..
and always be selfish .. think of yourself!
don't put others before you .. and have self - respect .. guys and girls..
the relationship is equal a balance :)

Now enough on relationship talks!!
'cause you do know you guys should be out there.. not dwelling on a past relationship .. not stalking your ex - boyfriend .. but having FUN!
that's what life's ALL about..
now don't go out there looking for the perfect guy .. there is no such thing.. but trust me
better is round the corner...
someone who will have you head over heels

''a step up the ladder'' so to say :)

and remember ..

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL ..
embrace life's challenges ..
work with them not against them..

I'm going to make myself a hot choccy and relax :) for 1 night :)

Hope all is well is Blogworld xox

New Picture

2010-01-09T07:55:00.002Z

happy .. smiling.. gorgeous lad.. work

i'm smiling :)
i'm totally smiling :)

it's 8am

and i'm up and smiling :)

Im Back With Anotherrr...

2010-01-08T01:11:00.001Z

Heyy Guys...
so i've been thinking... whilst watching Sex and the City .. :P :)

How do you know when you're ready to move on..
what if the picture already prettily painted..
the guy .. the time .. the place..
but you're not ready to be painted into it..

how do you know when you are?
or are you supposed to just feel it..

breaking up from one relationship .. then going into another..
how do you know .. if it's too rushed...
what if you don't want to lose them .. but you don't want to keep them waiting..
what if they are willing to wait..

am i questioning things too much ?
should i just let it all flow...

natural .. is better i suppose..
something for ya'll to ponder on :)

People.. Change..

2010-01-06T07:16:00.001Z

Breakeup's Dont Last Forever...

Please don't dwell over your past relationship - and don't let your ex play mind games with your head.. once he's gone he's gone..

see I tell you this guys...
it doesn't hurt forever.. you find someone .. amazing.. beautiful.. someone who says they're willing to wait for you.. to fight for you because you are special..
early days yes of course..
but you find them I promise You..

I know I have xx

Nanyt Chicks xox

Wings <3

2010-01-05T19:23:00.001Z

The Beauties I Made..

I am not be completely satisfied .. but I am Proud..

Enjoy x

Have Faith

2010-01-05T16:44:00.000Z

Something BIGGER.. BETTER is always waiting right round the corner...

It's never ever always going to be as bad as it seems right now..

trust me

I'm Living Proof

Hey Guyss....

2010-01-04T21:41:00.001Z

What to do when you miss someone .. when you just want to hear their voice.. but you can't?

You stick it out.. you hold you head high and you keep telling yourself "he doesn't want you!"
You know deep down inside you deserve better - so why would you wan tot hurt yourself again..?

Break Up's are always difficult but the best... always comes from them - like I have learnt ...
You meet better - because you search harder .. and look for bigger..

Never settle for secnd best .. and never settle for someone who wouldn't give their life up just to be with you ..

Always remember someone may be your world.. but this does not necessary you'll be there's..

Life's difficult .. Life's a challenge ..

Never give up !
Always Push Forward!!

If they ever come back to you .. think hard - they may not deserve another chance .. will you be able to trust them?

If they never do - you were never meant to be ..

Don't hate them .. love them for the good memories you've shared together..
Cherish Your Memories..

These memories however.. should never hold you back ... you must learn and not look back and be stuck because of such memories..

I know this pain will never last forever.. I know i'm stronger than this ..
And i know even though i find it difficult to accept right now..
I will accept..

I hope this post shines a light on some of you guys in pain right now..
Everyone is going to tell you . let it go .. its his loss.. no - one will ever understand your true feelings .. you're love..

But as harsh as this sounds.. there is nothing you can do .. there is only soo much you can fight..:)

So stay strong guys..
and don't feel cold towards love ..

Always Love Deeply ..
It doesn't always end in hurt

:) Good luck xxx

<3

2010-01-02T14:13:00.000Z

Another little post for you guys...

I don't really know how much to say without being wayyy too personal - but this blogger has become like my diary..
Just to say that it's the start of he new year.. to start a fresh.. to move on with life..
to cherish the memories of the past - hold them deep inside your heart - and think of them as the good times..
things may be difficult - but there are wonderful opportunities around the corner..

life moves on - you move with it .. if you dont adapt to the changes - you're stuck in a rut..
people who dont mkae time for you - dont make time for them
people who woudnt ever shed a tear over you - find someone who isnt embarassed too

never stay negative - be positive in life.. you will make it ..
one thing i have learnt - never NEVER - rely on someone..
that person may not be there for the rest of your life
you are your own person
a very beautiful person
someone who deserves the best - so go get it
hen you find love - grab it with both hands - and if it's true neither of you will ever let it go ..
if it gets lost somewhere between the years ...
but you still love ..
fight .. fight as hard as you can - fight until you're restless until - you can no longer do anymore and then..

move on...

disattatch yourself..

concentrate on those things - the people that matter most ..

things are always harder - when you're wounds are freshly cit..
but then you heal - time takes it's toll..
and you always always find better
life ... brings this to you ..
wonderful - full of soo many suprises ..
so no - don't dwell..

because you're worth 10000000x better !!

remember..

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL -- YOU ARE SOMEONE'S WORLD..
AND YOU'LL FIND THEM ONE DAY ...
THE FAIRYTALE MAY THEN BEGIN!

The Black Velvet Dress :) catch it on my youtube channel!! N1kk1sSecr3t

2009-12-30T23:18:00.000Z

£15.00 - topshop

Just a little something something

2009-12-30T03:29:00.000Z

Okayy.. So here I am again guys ranting! With what really ticks me off!! I guess you can understand through what I say what I must be going through on a daily basis or what I have experienced but they always say.. Better out than in huh??

So wat to do when ure in a sticky situation.. The time when two lovers grown apart ? Of can that even be possible? If you love doesn't this mean you fight through with all your might? Does it not mean that love conquers all?

I do believe so ... Girls if you're not loved by the guy of your dreams.. Life moves on .. Life's full of wonders, exciting new things just waiting to come your way so don't prevent this by wasting your time. This is the time we need to stick together a commenter put it's down to the media .. That makes you g girls feel ad if they need someone.. Someone to hold them someone to care for them.
People yes may be happy with someone by their side. .. But it's not a necessity .. We are strong on our own !!

Okay rant no:2
is alcohol, freshers, boys the whole uni starting thing soooo amazing ? You see the course I take it difficult to go out every night .. Get hammered, my course is heavy, time consuming it's my passion.. Now the idea of getting wasted every night does nt excite me!

Don't get me wrong I love going out and having a good time but do these kids know if they don't keep their education up they have nothing going for them - sorry to sound like your ol' average mum :p

message me with answers guys it either I see he world weird or others actually feel the same !!!
Nanyt x
<3 Nikki xox

DOLLY DOLL - HALLOWEEN!!

2009-12-28T14:02:00.000Z

okay.. guys so i know it's abit late - and not scary - but i loved halloween this year and i dressed as a little doll :)
fun fun fun
play around with makeup and makeup yourself beautiful:)
my eyeshadow ideas came from kandee "barbie" halloween makeup tut - you can find her on youtube <3

hope you like it
paired with white knee high socks, lollipop, a little black dress and a big bow - you're done!!
have fun! i cant till next year's!!

Boxing Day Shopping!!

2009-12-26T21:05:00.000Z

Okayy so of course sales right!!
I went shopping!! but only in like 3 stores !! I really wasn't in the mood - I can not understand why!!
the only store which grabbed my liking was Topshop - and this is what I found!!

I ended up buying both the velvet skirt and dress totalling to £30...I also bought some of them badman shoes .. which ill post later on tomo!! as the pair which were given to me were wrong and i'll have to exchange them tomo :(

hope you like.. the skirt is to die for I love it!
OKAY ..
blue velvet skirt - £15.00
black velvet dress - £15.00
black baggy top - £7.00
sequined floral vest top - ? i never asked gorgeous though

Change?

2009-12-26T03:11:00.001Z

Change?
Some people love it.. Some people hate it don't they?
Awrghhh
a very merry Christmas to you all
the one day you can put your feet up and relax
were you a good lil boy or girl or did Santa get stuck in the chimney ?
Anyhow change...?
My world.. Just as it seemed so cosy .. The perfect education, friends, boy,life it all changed in the blink of an eye.
So I'm now at what they call university meeting new people.. Living independently, doing my own laundry, cooking my own food!!
Don't get me wrong I love this freedom I love the new place London in which I live in but I'm bound to miss my hometown right?
So I get to uni .. Difficult at first but my flatmates I adore and my unu friends too.. Now.. The course structure changes where I pick a pathway I want to continue on for the rest of this foundation art and design course and now I feel as if I'm placed here back at my starting point.
Change they say is good. But I liked how it was. Why change just after a few months.
Boys too.. As soon as they change you know it was never meant to be.
Because in the name of love girls.. Things may get difficult things may even feel as if they ate coming to an ubrupt uncontrollable end yet you Both fight through. It's how love is .. So complex yet so beautiful .. (so I've been told)

I guess what I'm trying to say is you have to learn to Adapt to change you have to learn to live with it .. As change is the only thing constant in our lives .. And I guess death is the only thing guaranteed.
So make the most of it, adapt happily because it won't adapt to you.

Love you all x
and I wish you all the best for next year,
make it bigger, make it better.. Search harder, create bigger!!

Goodnight kids xox
Love Nikki.

RANT ... relationships??

2009-12-24T18:13:00.000Z

Why?
Why do people feel the need to change their facebook statuses to "married" .. "engaged" ?
what's the use of this.. what are they trying to prove ..I can understand that they may be in a happy almost "perfect" relationship but I just can't see why it's necessary..

now...
why for those of us .. that aren't in the best of relationship's - why would we watch such soaps.. film's rom com's .. they only upset us more..
a girl doesn't need a guy to make her feel confident..
yes i agree it's nice isn't it.. to have that certain someone by your side.
guy's just work differently.. some want their own space.. some want just the benefits of a relationship..
why is it that we always long the attention .. we want to feel the warmth of love..
love? what is love? have I ever experienced love?
relationships .. the more you have.. the more experienced right?
is love different with everyone? is it when that one person is your only one ? can it fade?
some want it perfect .. but nothing is perfect in the way of love .. in the way of life.

now what to concentrate on.. your life or the one you love..
you should always put yourself first before anyone - you are the most important person in your life..
keep your head screwed on - work hard and make your life..
your love .. should be an equal .. your love .. should be given and received equally

it's difficult when the one you love doesn't love you back ..
but life is tough..
it's what makes us stronger right..
why ruin your life.. why pine over someone even for a second if they choose not to for you

finally.. listen to your heart.. but also your head..
your heart tends to whizz you around it tends to confuse you ..
but you are worth the world ... you are amazing - and if someone else believes different they are not worth your time.

what are you guy's experiencing in the name of "love" ?
is it fake? prettier on the outside ?

relationships will always be complex..
but the one think that always lingers in the back of my mind is..

Mariah Carey:-

"When you love someone so deeply they become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I could keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you I must open up my hands
And watch you rise

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun

If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly"

simply beautiful simply true..

good luck in the words of LOVE x

p.s make sure you know what you're worth - love yourself - that is the only way someone else will even be able to love you ..
jealousy kills..
but you have to learn to trust you learn to accept..

now me in a relationship right now..
not soo well..
you have to know your limits ..
these limits seem to fade due to love - and you turn into this crazy person obsessed...not healthy..
as long as you know who you are you learn to move on ..
everyone does it in their own way .. some find someone else.. some get used to the empty feeling and fill it with love for themselves but remember..
as one door closes another opens..

another one opens with much more to give..
so don't settle for second best..

search harder look bigger ..!
this world is full of wonderful wonders and treats!

Birthday Night Out With Those I <3

2009-12-21T17:09:00.000Z

Thankyou to those i love..
i will hopefully shortly coming up with another youtube video .. for clubbing wear . as i hope to be doing so soon

love you all
keep smiling
stay safe
live everyday as if it was your last..
you never know what's round the corner
love as you would want to be loved

:)
merry christmas and a happy new year x

Happy Birthday To ME!!

2009-12-19T02:05:00.001Z

"Confessions Of a Blogger"

"trust"

"Do We Need Distance To Become Close?"

Labels.. Issues.. Intruders

Come on Skinny LOVE...

p.s ...

Did Somebody say TUMBLR ?

Im Back Fighting!

Just Beautiful Words...

Confusion in Life..

LOVE YOU

Sorry I know it's Been a While..

Life

You Know....

Violence?

Happy Holidays..

Update

What If..

Grown..

HOLIDAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

OHH lala!!

busy busy busy

Independence !

Starting University... eEk

Apologies xo

Regrets..

Dress Hell!

Bringing Up Babes!

"Hateration"

Another Post Dolls xo

Hello Dolls

LOVE

"this too shall pass"

Live. Love. Laugh

Rocking The Pastels?!

the girl who wanted to be god

You Know What?!

Looking Forward..*

100th Post!!

LOL Spread The Love Heart Heart Heart

Hello Beautiful People =]

*..Life is Precious..*

Positive Thoughts Positive Ways..*

Hater of Love?

Ow I Do Miss London !!

Be Happy For Those In Your Life, Forget Those Who Have Chosen To Let You Go..

ASK ME ANYTHING :):)

We Used To Love

Hey Doll's..*

UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

YOUTUBE

"Come To Paris With Me"

Hobbies..*

Simple the New Black?

Summer?

25th MAY

Friends x

Felling Blue!!

keep those you love dear to your heart!

AMAZING NEWS!!

Life Drawing!

Undergoing painting surgery!!

Work In Progress..*

Photoshoot for me Work!!

my gorgeous boy

sorry guys/ jesus

New Finds ..*

Stay Positive

Fringe/ Middle Parting?

Smile =] Stay Happy =]

"Handprint on my Heart"

My Apologies xx

another piece?

District 9

Smile =]

"Good Friends Will Stab You In The Front"

Practice Makes Perfect Loves ..*

Moving Forward..

coloured pencils are my new found love

Coloured Pencils

..Life is Precious..